Strangers

Sometimes I wish I'm just surrounded by different people.

You never know how happy I was when you said, "You're almost back to the girl when I first met you."

I'm trying, but I don't know how I'm trying.

I'm just letting it flow. Because I have no pressure or stress now.  

I don't know if you see me in a new light. But I certainly see you differently, at least very different from when I first knew you. Perhaps I didn't know you. But it's ok. It doesn't matter.

Faith.... I learnt that.... last year.

Who knows what love is.

Two mormans walked towards me today and said, "If you believe in it and truly pray for it, you'll feel the spirit in your heart." Soppy, gay but NO SHIT. No shit.

Maybe it's coincidence, you said on the msn tagline, "Put your faith in me & I'll show you...." How much i wish that was aimed at me. If i'm the special one for you. Or maybe your other friends. Like me, you have more opposite gender friends. But i dunno if im the special one. 

Even if I don't think, I wonder.

Wonderland.

Taking my time. Take your time.. 

Comfort zone. He desperately tries to stay in there every second, to stay in there.

She, too far away from it for too long. For seven hundred years.

She found him.

She would crawl on her knees to be back in the bubble.

However long it may take

I will always be here for you,

No matter what happens

I promise,

I will smile. 

Goin to California in 3 days.

Shud really start packing.

Leaving bf and cellphone behind in NZ. i feel weird.

Moved out of chris house last night.

He thought he forgot the vouchers half way on the motorway between the west and the east, and drove back half way before finding that they were actually in his pockets. i thort i'd ask him again.

Still playing gaia. Bloody nokia charger is dead. And my phone is dead.

Bye for now. 

Today is unbelievably cloudy. I'm not even sure if there is mist or fog like the one we woke up to in london. But everything seems to be back in place. A little. We will be going to uni later.

I don't know when i started using "we."

Didn't sleep well.

In fact i woke to the horror of myself. The allergy. It looks terrible. Massive spread of red bites across the body skin.

What was more terrible was that i woke chris.... that wasn't funny.

It was 3 a.m.

Grace called yesterday wanting to ask me out. I said i will be going back to the East tomorrow. She said ok. I like her a lot. She's a photographer i think.

Treasure the waking hours. 

Chris looks tired.

Hes not sleeping enuf.

i washed an apple for him this morning

hes been really good 

Grades aren't everything.

But you need to have other assets to say that 

Possibly nothing can sound dumber than this but separation is very good for the moment.

After twenty days i would have to move back home. Independence from my other half would train me to be back to a wonderful loner again. Single girl. My psychology studies (turning into psychiatric?) basically covers the emotional insurance of life. Living back at the parent's home will seem unneccesary since 1. Going to america on Nov 22 and 2. Moving out to an apartment next year. I look forward to that like a rabbit. Even if an albino one.

But what will happen to the r'ship will be interesting to observe and experience....

Positive enuf. 

Sunday, Chris got towed to the market at 5 am again, after refusing to sleep at all since work from 10pm the previous night....

And this morning he called me 16 times but i couldn't reach the cellphone, so it resulted in him running all the way home from the avondale racing course....

And when he came home he did the laundry, cooked lunch and fried some chips for anyone hungry.

I was.. unconscious. I did some study on depressive disorders and OCDs and schizophrenia of the kind, emailed Andreas back and forth a good number of times and consumed dark chocolate. They had eccentric healing powers that took my abdomenal pain away. Talking to that friend was very calming as well.

Then Chris and his family went out to his sister's graduation and grandparents place. I stayed home because that was the ethical thing to do. It would be harmless to go along but somehow i felt out of place.

They won't be home til 10:30pm. Seven hours later...... 

We are still the younger ones.

We may not be young, or maybe we are, but we are the younger ones.

We still have lots and loads of stuff in front of us.

Time passes and that's how we move on.

We move on.

When the time comes. We move on.

Life can be so simple.

But those turning points and nodes can be so complicated what if werr trapped, maybe we fall down into the hole, and couldn't climb out, that's when you need others. 

Your friends joke to me to ditch you.

I feel like crying in the university toilet.

The Reason you're not studying is because you can get full marks. Either fail or high scores, that's always been the situation for people like us. It is a sub-group of people. H once told me that if the majority of my friends are your friends, what will happen when we split? They will be on your side for sure. No, im not so sure.

But what if when you grow up? Will you be secured a job? No one's bank automatically makes money, you know that too. Or does it mean you will start studying next year? Even trying you get some knowledge.... you never know what can be useful in a job.

It scares me, when im seeing you don't study at all......

other people's boyfriends study....